The online dating saga…a caprine approach!

SHE

Hello! I´m too old, but decided to say hello anyway…haven´t finished reading your book yet…

What are you up to?

Sent to Broad92% Match

 

HE

Never too old to be loved my dear. Thanks for saying hello. My “book” may never get finished 🙂 I don’t know how to type so I have my billy goat do it for me. I am barely awake. I work a gravedigger shift last night. So tired. Hope I’m making some sense. What you doing? J??

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SHE

I meant that I´m too old for your criteria…

And who is your billy goat? You actually have someone who is willing to put all this effort into your profile? Kind billy goat you´ve got there. go to sleep now.

I´m trying to finish a translation task…

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HE

I call my goat Gruff 🙂 thx

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SHE

PS: One of my nicknames is Little goat…

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HE

cute… I can only imagine why:) Do you eat everything in sight? ttyl J

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SHE…Well, it all started 17 years ago when my 10 year old niece said that I looked like my goat when I was chewing food (same mandibular movements, I guess) Mathilda…I took it as a compliment and have accepted my new nickname…

Your goat?????

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HE

I ride him uptown to cruise Granville for chicks. Not having much luck though. He’s makes a poor limo cause he’s a one seater so I would wind up walking if I get any takers. My feet drag. Always got muddy feet. Good on gas. A little too much maybe. Eats everything. Got lot lots of poop. Goes anywhere. From the mountain tops to the roof tops. Like a 4 hoof drive. He always smiling and butting into traffic. No one argues. So whenever we are idling “chilling” he does my typing after the wisdom of words. Thanks for asking. He will be flattered. J??

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HE

He messed up. The 2nd last sentence should have read “after DISCUSSING” the wisdom of words. He doesn’t like discussing things too much. He says he gets dissed and cussed enough already. 🙂

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SHE

You lost me…do you have a personal secretary?

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HE

I wish I did. No personal secretary. Only a fictional billy goat that handles everything. I thought you would read between the lines. It’s all good. J??

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SHE

Well, I got lost because you said you couldn’t type…so I thought that some friend of yours was helping you out! You’re a fiction writer, I gather…

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HE

Apparently. Actually I am just a guy who says what’s on my mind. I do not write for a living. I can’t type. I plunk a finger down where I see the letter I want. That’s all hun. What is your truth?

Message from Broad92% Match

 

SHE

I’m a 2-3 finger typist who struggles for a living between 3 distinct destinations… came here, where my son is studying…

Maybe our goats should meet…I often hang out at Starbucks on Boundary & Canada Way – afternoons usually.

Have a good weekend,

H

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HE

I dunno. . . You know what they say about goats with multiple horns and . . . Goats can be kinda horny and pushy you know. Not that I would mind. Just wouldn’t want to knock over any tables where you like to go:) Is your name Maria? May I call you that until you tell me for sure? Today is my last day off work “the weekend”. I’d like to spend it in bed but I have laundry shopping cleaning and feeding my goat all to do. Since you have been so willing to play and be candid with me I am also willing to work “or play” in a time with you into my day. I am back to work tonight and thus you would have to come and roust me and Gruff from our slumber tomorrow if you want our goats to meet:) I will trust you with my number. I will respect your trust also. J?? 778-???-???? Don’t be afraid. It;s a bit of a long shot anyway. I am not usually willing to travel far like to Burnaby much less Portugal. But for a taste of honey Gruff will go up a mountain and down a valley:) J??

Message from Broad92% Match

 

SHE

Hello J??,

Stubborn old goats!

This here goat doesn’t usually mind going beyond her pasture limitations, but the lousy weather keeps her almost barn bound…

So, if ever Gruff is feeling adventurous, both goats can venture out into the fields of Central park or the like…on a nice day, of course!

Enjoy your tasks!

H

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HE

Ha.. ok bring a blanket

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HE

i’ll bring some hay

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SHE

Meh-eh-eh!

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HE

Ha . Pretty good goat laugh:) So are you serious about meeting me in the park or where-ever. What if I’m a bad guy? You should not meet strangers in the park my dear. I think you are not serious. I’m not serious. Well… what I mean is that I take it moment by moment. I am not a desperate guy by any means but it’s been a looong time and I am soooo …. well you know. Like my billy goat:) meh eh eh so horny eh eh. I am perfectly safe to be around but I have a strong desire to do the wild goat thing:) meh eh eh. There is every possibility that it could be a once off thing. You don’t even trust me with your name so I doubt very much that you want to lay naked with an old goat like meh eh eh. And no I don’t smell. I am just asking you to get real. You know what I have said on my post and every piece of it is true and real for me. But I’m not going to say that I will happlily accept any degree of intimacy and as a normal guy I really want the full meal deal you know. I have trusted you with my number and my truth. You need to ask yourself if you are really ready to meet up and exactly how far are you willing to go. I am not a fool my dear. I know how women can be. Not that it is wrong to entice men with the possibility but I will simply give it up if I think that it means a long series of hurtles to clear. As far as the question of will it lead to a genuine relationship? Well I won’t promise anything but I am a sincere man and care about my integrity. This is what this is all about. Serious. Just wanting you to be clear. As a woman you might have a completely different agenda. I am saying all this also because if it’s possible to get close enough to touch then I want it to be with someone who likes me and enjoys my style. What’s your first name? Mine is J??

Message from Broad92% Match

 

SHE

Thanks for planting the menu right on my plate; I am shy by nature and would NEVER go straight to the carnal act without getting to know the person first! But your nickname does kind of reveal that, I guess; I should have read between the lines!

The system says we’re 92% compatible, so I read your profile and decided to say hello…then I discovered your caprine fetish, and since it’s one of my nicknames I thought it would be funny to do the goatish thing…

I don’t mind meeting somewhere during the day, but if your SOLE/SOUL’s objective is to mate, then this is the tail of the tale!

Your phone number is safe with me; I may even use the numbers for my next lotto attempt!

So, it was fun while it lasted…meheheheheh!

H is the English translation of my Portuguese name…ManiaAmor just means (in my pov) having a mania for LOVE!

Happy grazing…meheheheheh!

H

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HE

Ahh … Thanks H. You are someone special. The first thing I must say and do is apologize to you. I really am sorry for going straight to sex. I am such an ass. I guess I am just a man. Being a man is not an excuse though. My parents did their best to give me good values but I do struggle with this one. It just didn’t come up in any of the lessons I guess. They did get integrity across to me.

You were really great about how you handled my ignorance. I had fun with the goat thing as well. You have my respect and I hope you never compromise your values or integrity. It’s not that my main thrust “no pun intended” is to mate. I guess it is or will be eventually but I forget that women are prepared and guarded by nature for this from men. Also… I used to be very shy and had a very difficult time connecting with women. My problem was that I was somewhat popular and good looking as a young man and expect women to jump out of cars and chase me down and treat me like some minor rock star still. Yea it happened. I got too much attention when I had hair still and “before the accident”:) Pathetic really.

So as I aged i forced myself to become more aggressive. It worked to a point. I learned to go straight to the point. Women in their 30’s are much more open and tolerant when they are at their sexual peak. I must reign in my goats now. meh eh eh:) It is not easy. My sex drive seems just as strong as it was 30 years ago. I think that it’s the same for a woman but it’s not. You want a relationship first. I can’t say I blame you at all. A man will have sex and if there is no strong intent or desire to come back for more he will move on to another woman. I think it’s in our nature to spread our seed so to speak. Like fertile farmers:) I’ve only been with 5 women sexually in my entire life. Much less than most women.

I was with a woman who I was deeply in love with for 22 years. She left a year and 4 months ago. She was always barely there. Always leaving. It wasn’t easy for her to go either. Our home turned into a kind of a war zone for amore than a year as both the inside and outside was renovated. At one point there were 3 jack hammers pounding on 3 of 4 concrete walls around us. Unbelievably loud. Like the workers were getting pleasure from tormenting us. nWe had to go out every day to get away from it. She knows I am a good guy and was good to her. We are still caring and in touch just not intimate any longer. She has a new guy.

Anyway H… I do want a solid relationship however I am a bit unrealistic and want it to come to me like it used to. I must be stronger and more patient. Part of the problem is that a man feels much different after having sex with a woman. I feel like I am accepted fully and completely. Thus I am more confident in the relationship lasting. Men also care that the relationship is strong.

I am a realist and as such I am not going to persue you any further. Nothing about you is wrong. I just wish to find someone closer in my neighbourhood. Your propensity for the “romantic” experience is very powerful and I can see myself being drawn into it. I share this romantic desire with you. But as the realities of human nature are constant, so is practicality and I am not going to allow myself to indulge in it this time.

Thank you so much for your tolerance and candid approach to me. You really are someone who is very beautiful. The good thing about leaving it this way is that we both can let go easily and we both learned something. Bless your heart H. J??

Message from Broad92% Match

 

SHE

Ok! It seems as though you are trapped in your teenager mind…I’m guided by my innocent inner child! I wasn’t a bad looking teenager either, but my shyness kept me grounded; I was never commanded by an alter ego.

It seems to me that most men are seeking instant sexual gratification; we are all ageing, and in old age it would be amazing to have a better half to grow old with! I’ve been working with incapacitated older people and it is SO sad to face the reality of being totally alone at that phase of life!

I don’t mind continuing with the caprine saga; I’ve had goats, you know! They are beautiful, wild animals…it was fun! Can we be pen pals? You like to write, and so do I…I’ll even allow you to blurt out some of your debauched caprine fantasies.

Meheheheheh! Can you hear me calling?

H

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